A funny thing happened to me Tuesday night…
I watched an Iowa caucus that ended more like a Chicago election. I got in late. The score was tied: 23% Santorum, 23% Romney and 23% Paul. It looked like an interesting finish, but it got even more interesting!
Anyone who has lived in Illinois, or in a media market that covers Illinois (i.e, St. Louis, Missouri; northwest Indiana; Davenport, Iowa, etc.) for any length of time can remember those “exciting” state-wide elections.
The Illinois election scenario goes something like this:
Chicago voters arrive at the polls in two precincts, but discover that the doors are locked. Hours go by before someone with keys can be found and the polling place can be opened. Someone in the Democratic Party (or some “person of interest” who actually was doing it clandestinely on the part of said Chicago ruling party) gets an “emergency motion” to a Cook County Court. A Cook County judge (who is more likely to be a loyal Democrat than the Pope a loyal Catholic) rules that that those two precincts must be left open longer to make up for the fact that they started voting late. The rule of thumb on how long those polling places remain open is “long enough to steal an election” but “not long enough for a federal court to come in and order those polling places to be closed.”
For all other Illinois voters, the polls close according to the statute. For many years, that was 6 P.M. Last time I witnessed an Illinois election, it was 7 P.M. The rest of the State counts its votes while the “powers that be” in Chicago are watching. There is a certain amount of election magic that the thieves in Chicago can work every year. “Oh, look, this guy forgot to vote for Treasurer; I think he would have voted Democrat. PUNCH!” Or, “Gee whiz, we have three more ballots than applications. Someone is playing a practical joke. OK, I found three straight Republican tickets, those must have been the ones, throw them out!”
A vote for Obama is a vote for Chicago-style corruption
If the above scenario sounds silly to you, bear in mind that in Cook County, where Chicago is located, the votes are counted INSIDE the precinct where they were cast. The level of scrutiny is very low. In theory, there are an equal number of election judges from each party; however, in Chicago, any Republic judge may actually be a Democrat or may need something from the ruling party and be willing to help steal a few votes here and there to get it. So, stealing elections in Chicago is a way of life.
Now, for the massive numbers needed to help steal an election on a state-wide basis, those precincts where the polls close late can be a lot of help. The “powers that be” in Chicago watch the vote tally come in for each candidate that they would like to help, focusing particularly on the close races. Typically, there will be a number of Chicago precincts that close their doors on time according to the statute, but seem to be really slow at counting their votes. As those precincts come in, the lead for some Republican who is running for a state-wide race starts to evaporate. Complaints of “polling place irregularities” also start coming in. Because a federal investigation could mean jail time for some precinct workers, the vote theft is spread out carefully. Those late-closing two precinct close and wait for their orders. If the race is close enough to steal (in other words, within the “margin of fraud”), that unlucky Republican can kiss his election chances goodbye. Worst of all, even if some of the crooks get caught and punished, the election results stand.
When Americans voted for Obama, the quintessential product of the Chicago Machine, they were actually voting for Chicago-style corruption. It won’t make any difference how much makeup they put on the pig; all Chicago Democrats who succeed are either crooks or vassals of crooks.
Getting back to Tuesday night…
It looked pretty good for Santorum and Paul, especially for Paul. Tallies for two counties with big college towns had not yet come in. Paul does so well with young voters, especially college-age folks. Darned if Paul’s position didn’t get worse as the results trickled in. How could that be? Lack of organization on those two college campuses? Support for one of the other candidates that just wasn’t in the rest of the Iowa? Or something else?
Poor Ron Paul. Now, let’s look at Rick Santorum. He jumped into the lead. It wasn’t by much, but darned if strange things didn’t start happening again. “Some guy with a truck” had the election results with him, and according to a Fox News reporter, was “going somewhere with them.” Don’t you just love it when the reporters give you the election story in such technical terms? If I didn’t know better, I would think that someone lied to that reporter, and reporter knew it, but didn’t want use the word “liar” on the air.
Who benefits? The candidate from Massachusetts
Out of the blue, Rick Santorum’s lead over Romney narrowed. No new results came in. They just “revised” the figures from one caucus. It sure is funny that it always seems to be the guy with the most money whose figures are “revised” upward. Does anyone know how far Des Monies, Iowa is from Chicago, Illinois? The number of miles may have been unimportant Tuesday night, as they became political soul mates.
The only other caucus came in for Romney, but the “guy in the truck” was still A.W.O.L. According to the news reports, a representative from the Romney camp and a “representative” from the Santorum camp “agreed” that the “paper in the truck” would have given the caucus to Romney by just enough votes so that Romney could have a narrow victory. We don’t know who this “representative” from the Santorum camp was, but I am sure that one can be found who will swear to it on a stack of Bibles if necessary. No, make that on a stack of that Book of Mormon.
I have kinfolk who farm in Iowa. (What person of Czech descent does not?!) I know they have some nasty-smelling manure out there. However, none of it ever stunk as much as the 2012 Iowa Caucus!
So, I guess I know how folks from Chicago and, and now, folks from Massachusetts, go about stealing elections. Go ahead, Republicans, nominate Romney. That way we can have yet another crook v. crook in election in 2012!